It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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