I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
