this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
