I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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