You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
