I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
