i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
