UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
