Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this boner is exhausting
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
