I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
