Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No subtext here. People are naked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
