so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
should my penis look like a turkey
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
