I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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