I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
