Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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