People in love make me want to vomit
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
