Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize