Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize