Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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