went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
