How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
