There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
