do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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