Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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