what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
