he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
