Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
4 words: hood of his car
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize