the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
