You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
