I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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