I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
