:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
