just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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