Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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