just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
