I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
