Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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