Dignity is for republicans.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's the barista slut.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
