Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
