if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want you more than these girls want KFC
stop calling my apartment porn island.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
