a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
