Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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