my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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