I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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