He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
