just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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