I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
