if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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