It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize