Sry I called you an 8
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
