Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
