puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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