You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
