Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
