You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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