No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
