Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
