We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So vagazzling was a success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
