my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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