I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
