I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
