we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
