so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
