Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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