it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
