We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
