All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
