I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
