I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
