Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
