They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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