i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
