How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
