But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
