she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize