3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
