he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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