i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
