I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude. I can hear the air.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
