Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
