Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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