if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
